A Dog Story (AKA Southern Inhospitality!)

Last December, I moved to Florida with my wife Clara and our dachshund mix, Auggie (seen in the above photo). We now live in a densely populated residential area in the city of New Smyrna Beach.

A few days after arriving here, I, with the help of my rollator, was walking  Auggie through the neighborhood. Our journey was uneventful (I didn’t fall! 😊) except for one incident:

As I approached a lady with her dog, a black Labrador retriever, I saw the pooch was doing #2 on the sidewalk. I came to a stop and waited a few yards away, assuming the lady would pick up after her dog. She didn’t.

Instead, after her dog was done defecating, she walked him past me. I proceeded on my way, maneuvering around a fresh pile of feces. In my community, there is a $100 fine for not poop scooping. Thinking the lady might not be aware of that fact, I called out to her and asked, “Ma’am, do you know you’re risking a fine if you don’t clean up after your dog?”  
The lady snapped back, “Mind your own business!”

The creative writer in me immediately drummed up a response. Without worrying about the potential consequences, I blurted out, “I’ll start minding my business when you start minding your dog’s business.”

The lady didn't appreciate my play on words. After giving me an if-looks-could-kill look, she flipped me the bird and walked off.

Thankfully, she  isn’t carrying a firearm….or is she? I worked up the courage and forced myself to turn around. What a relief! The lady was headed off with her dog to who-knows-where. Either she was not packing a weapon or she was and decided to spare me. Whichever the case, I felt  a bit luckier to be alive than I had just minutes earlier.  I have never seen that lady or her dog since.
Welcome to Florida 😊!

P.S. In truth, the people I've met here in Florida have all been hospitable. All except one unfriendly lady walking a friendly black lab.
P.P.S. Fortunately,  the lady only retaliated by flashing her middle finger. These days, people get shot for being less offensive than I was that day. I only came to that realization after my dog and I were back inside the safety of our house.
P.P.P.S. What will I do if that lady and I cross paths on the street? I’m not sure, but I’ll definitely keep to myself any sarcastic gems produced by my writer’s imagination

Visit Walter's author page at walterstoffelauthor.com
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